I ended up winning weirdly, i brought home a pooh, a piglet, an eeyore, and 4 dinosaurs. LOL.. It was one of these rare moments that I go thanking my intuition why I brought my Nike backpack.
When I arrived home, I was settling down when I heard my phone ringing close to midnight.
BW..
He was at the Guam Bar.. weirdly, he was with Usher, another chatmate, and yet another Guam-met guy named Hoho Japan. Yamamoto was there as well, saying they were looking for me.
I went and arrived close to 1am. Upon arriving, only BW was there..the others apparently left in great haste.. (or in great pangs of bodily "needs")
We talked about a whole lot of things, we drank, and there were revelations regarding Yamamoto's life. It was a very enticing conversation, one which led me to view the whole picture as a floodgate of opportunities and possible tie-ups for works indeed.
Yamamoto is a very fair and decent man. He has proved to be a very potent ally if he likes you, and he's going to be all political and ha-ha with you if he doesn't like you.
Both BW and myself saw the importance this guy could potentially become in our lives.
We silently agreed.
We're meeting Yamamoto at 4:30pm--for a hotel project.
It's cool to be busy as I go ranting every now and then--THIS is the perfect getaway moment.
I postponed going to the farm today. I'll head off prolly Thursday. It's just Tuesday anyways. Procrastination..Procrastinations... *rolleyes*
I'm having the car fixed today, and the repainting, and the body works, and the bumpers changed, and the hood tinkered with. Major works yeah, one that was long overdue.
Wonder if they can whip the car up in shape before Friday. Or Saturday even.
Lately even Life deals its harshest hand, making it seem like the cards I have are always at a notch behind, I'm not particularly that bothered.
Things are slow.
Every night for me seems to be a recount of wot I was while I was in College.
It was simply getting back the habit of drinking that I'm worried about. It's the people that I've had to meet along the way that makes everything seem odd to me.
Not that I don't want to meet new people.
it's just that majority of them currently are shysters--or TRULY odd.
This is Ruby. Met her off at a bar one time I was on my solo explorations. She works as a dancer (no she doesn't do nude) she just dances with a group, hip-hop style. When I arrived, the girls thought I was from some other Asian country, which made them all swarm in saying a young Japanese is within the area..
They flocked but I told them politely I'd like to sit with that girl in particular--pointing to Ruby.
Ruby's a nice lass. Quite wise beyond her years--wise I guess due to the fact that she knows how to pace her Lady's Drinking rounds that cost something like PhP310 a shot.
After hours, i guess by 4am, I left the bar--with Ruby.
I was drunk silly.
She wasn't.
I made clumsy moves.
She was adept and was in full control.
And the dawn just kept itself at bay till I got home around 7am.
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
8:24 AM ::
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It's lunchtime, BW sent an SMS that he's not coming-in to work at the Sky Dome project. Hmm.. could it be because of an erstwhile flame visitor he's having for company today. I hope not. That old flame is a no-good wretch.
I don't have old flame wretches. Or do I?
I only have friends that I've had misunderstandings with, but deep inside their hearts, I'm positive at one point or the other, they'll have good things to remember me by, good things that even after years to a decade of not seeing one another, they'll have the propensity to come, renewing old ties.
Such is the process my life goes through, each time a friendship goes in hiatus.
The thing is, I never had anything bad nor indecent to say to such friendships. If prompted, I usually say we have differences in opinions, but inside me, I still consider the merits of friendship over issues, but then again, we're not talking and we'll just wait for the time where we can talk again..
that "wait" period is the pressure cooker process for me.
For countless times, people see an unaffected me during the wait process. I can "stand" the wait. The long wait for even up to years. But the weird thing is, there has never been a lapse when i do recall the good times. These usually creep into mind whenever I'm usually at my idle best.
I'm currently in pressure cooker mode. But i can handle this better. Better now after wot has developed in the past few days. The revelations. The bitter sanguine truths.
It's currently lunchtime, I'm gonna head off to Manila Hotel to check on a Rotary Club project they're asking me to work on, it's for their convention stuff. Boring events thingy.
After the discussion there, i'll prolly head off to an arcade and bury myself into winning that coveted Eeyore plush toy from that moving brick piling game. LOL.. then i'd go immerse myself silly in that House of the Dead shoot game..that sooo rocks!
Tomorrow...hmm..plans are underway..i'm heading off to our farm in Rizal. I'm gonna visit to see whether things are still okay. I revived the waterworks system and the windmill, i'm not sure if they're up to standards already.
I'ma gonna go check on the plants there too, then take shots. The real reason I'm going there. The shots. Someone from Saudi is interested in purchasing that property.. It'll be swell to sell that property, i'll miss it yeah (and the 5 water buffallos)...it has been a sanctuary of sorts for a lot of my friends through the years from elementary to college..
planning seminars were done there, recreational visits, fun visits...all happened there..
oh heck..even BW and his family had the chance to visit the place :)
but it's easier for me to let go of that property...it's been years since I visited that place and even when Dad was around, he was also telling me if it's wiser to sell it off already. We both agreed to the idea.
I'll prolly work on the Caliraya property..small as it is, it's much much idyllic, a haven to develop. For years, i've been picturing that as a perfect hideaway. A home by the lakefront, i'd build a wharf stretching to the house, a terrace overlooking a wide expanse of bluish green water, the motor boat (phontoon) my dad built will just be buoyed there--and on lazy sundays, just sit by the wharf and fish for black bass or pla-pla for good measure :D Now THAT's the life.. :)
a la prochaine! (pronounced as a-la POH-zhen) Until next time in short :D
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
12:37 PM ::
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It was STUPID to have gotten myself drunk with the Police Corps Party (a political party of sorts i'm affiliated with)
It was even STUPID-erto waltz to the Guam Bar where the circle of friends used to hang out and finding them there, sitting there as well, and getting more DRUNK in the process.
It was the first time I saw HerMan (err..sorry for the sic pun, a her and a man makes one simply a Herma for short) I think I must've gotten googly eyed seeing that coffee-colored skin of hers (again). I commented she's tanned pretty nice...and I'm nto sure if i tactlessly asked whether she has tanlines or something to that effect in the drunken state i was in.
I couldn't remember everything Herma and I talked about. I just remembered her taking my number, her talking about stuff which I think (now sobered) was bothersome to hear..(it involved red thongs and looking at the mirror naked with a man of flabs)
I didn't talk with Spike--maybe subconsciously, I still felt my defenses rise up after the ordeal of being sold out in the whole deal I got involved myself into just recently.
Okay. i remember now.
At the restroom, I was in line. He poked me and asked whether I was okay. I looked up, saw him and made a tight face. I think I gave him a piece of my mind about sincerity and the gall of some people to interpret honest intentions with bollywood plots. I'm not sure he got everything line, hook, bait and sinker.. But I sure got the message across when he said he thinks he knows wot I was driving at and he became guiltily quiet.
Still, I'm a man of civilities. I don't take matters out in the open nor discuss things which I feel were shared in the midst of a vowed secrecy. It's weirder when others easily forgive and forget. Mine's simpler. I forget first then I forgive years after.
Back at the table, when things are nearing the break of day, I offered to bring Spike and his friend Rodman to where it's convenient for them to go home, I think I offered to deliver drunken Spike home to where he lives. They both alighted at the Rotonda Circle.
I feel giddy. More, I felt exhausted mentally, physically and spirit-wise. It was the same dose of real-life feelings I got recently. Funny it's all coming back. By then, the alcohol was slowly subsiding within but the feeling of sleep was creeping in its stead.
Then I remembered..It was Sunday. I had duties. I called on BW and his friend Usher (name lifted from the artist's hit single with Alicia Keys) if it's alright for me to take a sidetrip for just a tad few minutes just so i can head off to a temple. They replied in the affirmative--though it sounded a bit gibber-gabberly guttural.
Upon arriving at the Temple, I was surprised Usher offered to join me in. He said it's his first time to be in one. Sure I said. After I did my thing, I waited. Waited for Usher whom I earlier suspected was really dozing off in the kneeling pad seeing him there for kneeling for quite some time now.
After the temple, I headed off to the breakfast place. I again asked BW whether he'd like to come down and get some hot foodstuff in him to help ease out wotever drunken state he's in. Again he refused whilst in semi-sleep state. He said, "you go ahead" or something to that effect. So usher and myself had breakfast.
Over the quickest breakfast I've ever had there, my thoughts were somewhere, or they were really intended to be somewhere to drown off Usher's continuous raving of "i love this place, this is beautiful!, i'm coming back to this place!, and the i love the food!" bit.
I never doubted for 1 second that he'll never find that resto ever again without help seeing the state he's in when he went in.
Driving home, I felt even more sleepy. Alcohol and Sleep were like in their midlevels in a dangerous rendezvous inside me. I always believed that when the alcohol level inside your system is high, you're just giddy, you smily sheepishly, you say the darnedest things..but after the alcohol diminishes, sleep comes in. But then again, there's a halfway rendezvous when those two meet. That's wot I was having at the moment whilst driving ourselves home.
Reaching Luna street like a stone's throw from where BW lives, came the worst event that could ever come to my mind..
it took a split second..
or maybe three seconds..
then a loud THUD and CRASH that was so evident that even the half-asleep BW and USHER woke up and said SH$%T!!! in unison.
I bumped on a car's rear that was PARKED on the side of the narrow Luna St.
A PARKED CAR FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I froze a bit. My eyes wide in shock.
This was my first vehicular accident.
The fear that crept within me was unlike any other.
Is this really how people involved in accidents truly feel?
In my state, I said that any moment now I could practically doze off. After dropping the two off, I said to BW to go back and talk to the owner of the car since they're just neighbors, chances are they know one another, and then ask how much he/she needs to have that rear end fixed and that i'll pay for everything necessary.
Then I drove off, without a license. Since I left it with the cop that came by. BW retorted I can't drive myself home because I don't have a license.
I think i said F$%^K the license.
On my way home I heard something being dragged and clacking somewhere in front of me. Prior to reaching to Roxas Blvd., I stopped and checked wots making the ruckus. Egads! My left headlight was smashed to smithereens, my bumper dangled and was being grinded on the road, my hood dislocated and arched inwards.. Man, this is SOooo like total damage in my book.
Upon reaching home. My heart suddenly echoed more fears. I was afraid all of a sudden. I called BW up to check, after 4 times of "cannot be reached" moments, my fears became more apparent. I can't simply sleep.
Shouldn't I have left the car there for investigation?
Shouldn't I have been around for possible statements?
Will this not aggravate the situation?
The worst possible scenarios came when I thought wot if I hit on something else than a car's rear end? That street of BW's is known for many vendors, many passersby, and many vehicles on the half portion of the one way street.
After a few more tries on BW's phone, I felt sleep coming in. I'm so tired I had to give in. In my half state, I felt an instinct to call.
And it was the STUPID-est thing I have ever done now that i'm sobered up.
I called Royal.
Three times even.
He didn't want to answer of course, I forgot all bout the setup. I shouldn't have called. I was never thinking straight that time.
I dozed off with the mobile phone doing some irridiscent sms message.
When i woke up a few moments later I checked the mobile. I saw a draft message of wot I was SUPPOSED to send. It was again for Royal. It involved something lke informing him there was an accident and that if he can go check on BW whether things are okay and stuff... to that effect but not nearly, because it was typed like the sender was a man frothing at the mouth sides--a total madman. The words were scrambled and the spelling all haywired.
I was overly grateful that didn't get sent. It would've been the perfect cherry to Royal's wry humor dessert lately, it would have been the fodder to feed his fiery fun, and it would have been for me--the salt mine dump on some fresh cuts to the flesh. I don't think I need to be the butt-end of a joke for the time being nor be a star in one of Bollywood's greatest collaboration cum connivance plots in history..
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
1:47 PM ::
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I got an interestingly poignant sms this morning.. 4am to be exact.
it was from BW.
his text went:
for a long time, 724 (BW's BRO) was in a catatonic state due to complications after GBS. That song he was mentioning was a song I recently composed. It was about giving oneself to someone openly and willingly accept said person in life as someone you can never live without.
BW upon hearing it yesterday, decided he should make the song a bit more "attuned" and applicable to his life story. That we did, I made corrections to some of the lyrics and then before I knew it, I was already setting up the recording studio where BW did the recording instantly. I edited the voice and did some fine tunings here and there (BW never needed major finetunings, he was born with harmonics inside his system).
The end result, I saved over to a CD, plus another file I converted so he can make it as his personal cellphone ringtone. He listened to it over and over. He must've liked it a whole lot.
I called BW up when i finally woke this morning and he said 724 responded to the song. Egads. That is surely some good sign. BW chided me to keep on making new songs, because 724 responded to it, and so it could potentially hasten the arrival of a miracle they've been long praying for.
I said i'll probably drum up two songs by the end of the week, one in the vernacular and the other probably a hopeful praise song with no affiliation to any divine providence in particular.
I don't know... 3rd-You was right I guess.. The "artsy-creative" me must be let loose. If but to.. oh well.
if you'd like to listen to the "edited BW version" here's a sample... the "edited" lyrics are as follows (formerly it was intended to be sung to a girl..but then again, as composer, it's okay to have to edit lines just so a dear friend can make use of it..heck wot are friends for?)
"Simply..My Life" Music and Words by: Lostwansoul Sung by: The Beautiful Whale (BW) I. Each waking day I see A bundle of love beside me We're different folks with different strokes Together made us the best of both
II. He may not be perfect But to me he's simply the best He may not be a star, I know But he's the light of my million morns
Chorus
He's the only man in my life Whom I'm blessed to call just "MINE" He's been to places far and wide but in my heart he'll stay beside..
He's the only man in my life Who filled my days with endless smiles He's on top of whatever he does But to me he's simply, "My Life.."
III.
He's like a typhoon in restraints But no one compares to the way he cares Though he can be silly at times But that's what being "him" is about..
Repeat II. Repeat Chorus
Bridge:
And when i close my eyes each night I long for the sunrise Knowing he'll be right beside.. My man...My Life....
Repeat Chorus
Fade: But to me he's simply, the love of my life..
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
2:28 AM ::
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I used to watch a lot of movies since 9 years of age--with my dad. It was always every Thursdays Fridays Saturdays and Sundays. It was due to the fact that every Wednesday, most movie houses would have changed their movie lineup so we're like out there in a mad rush, checking first whether our awaited, "coming-soon's" are out for viewing.
Usually, there are more than 1 movie that're good (it had to be in the following order, HORROR, SCI-FI, WAR, COMEDY, COP/DETECTIVE). Often though, we go for the 3-hour academy award nominated movies, but it's rare or almost zilch when it comes to watching mushy (read: love story) movies.
I thought I would try to get the old habit back even without my Dad around. I am used to watching alone. Most people would look at me quizzically wond'rin where to draw the words, "normal" in the things I do.
Well, tonight..i'm watching this....
i've watched the two-flicker installment to Final Destination and I must say I love gore a whole lot. I liked Part 2 better than this and the first one. Although it's not so bad that Devon Sawa's not included anymore (the geek doesn't look good onscreen..I can do much better.. ho-hum[bug] )
This film still had the normal bloody scenes, burning flesh, decapitated heads, smashed-up heads, pierced through the skull, nailed through.. stuff that gives life to the movie.. still i like two better. must be the effects.
=======================
side note: i decided to watch the last full show, making sure the de-facto president's proclamation 1017 wasn't in full effect which included curfew and warrantless arrests. I arrived at Rob Ermita around 9:17pm, knowing that 9:20 was the last full show, so as i parked, i rushed... but whilst rushing, at the corner of my fish-eye, I noticed a familiar shape. I glanced towards the direction.
Lo and behold. It's the Beautiful Whale! BW was with S and they were headed to the 6th floor parking space. Hmm..but BW picked S up around 5pm..4 hours till that time.. they must've done a movie and some dinner I guess.
I called BW over the distance... and called again.. and hollered yet again this time.. He looked back and smiled. He asked, where are you off to? Movies I said. I quickly spotted S having this puzzled look like saying, "watching movies, alone? that a life?"
There wasn't any time at all for me to walk over and convince them that watching movies alone can be therapeutic and it is considered "normal" in every sense of the word.
I raced off after saying quick g'byes, and rushed off to the 4th floor movieworld. When I arrived, egads! it's not showing up there..it was at the second floor theater row. I rolled my eyes, in a true unconscious mannerism I forgot where I got, and ran to the second floor.
When I arrived, movie starts at 10:00PM.... TEN!??! wot was I supposed to do for the rest of the 35 minutes??! It was the longest half-hour or so in my entire life. All the stores are closed since it was 9pm plus, so i went to the nearest establishment I know woudl still be open at this time--the bowling alley.
For 30 minutes, i watched BALLS. yeah Bowling Balls being rolled, lolled, dropped, lofted all over the place. I miss bowling I guess.. I grabbed a quick juice at Gloria Jean's prior to going to the alley. I prayed silently that I won't meet anyone en route with a Gloria Jean's cup filled with some orangish-brownish liquid (juice from GJ's Lost?).
I settled in, watched the trailers, made mental notes of wot to watch soon. And happily regaled and absorbed every scene that was either gory or bloody. Nearly reaching the end of the movie, i got a text from BW, he's tired he says and won't be able to join the UST circle of friends for a nightout. I said yeah me too, i'll just head off to bed after the movie :D
There was a not-so popular song by Kuh Ledesma back when I was young, it was revived by Akafellas, entitled "Help Me Forget" .
Funny.. just funny. I don't think the song works for me..it's just a point of reference of what cheesy sounds.
my idea of being strong and made of some sterner stuff, just takes its tolls. I've never felt like this in a long time. It's not that i'm not used to getting the downers in life. It's just that being sensitive, being sensient, and then coupling it with the paranoid feeling that somehow, in this long rope of life, when everyone else pulls, without even an inkling sometimes wot it is he/she is actually achieving in the process, voila.. you sense someone's balking or not towing the line.
You look back at life with a shocked impression.
OMG.. wots wrong you ask.. a gazillion mental bytes rush through your head like wires behind some bad-hair-day'ed clerk's table and her dozen gadgets all in tow.
You draw some answers from within. The third-person-you suddenly comes out.
3rd You: "Silly..this was meant to be..you of all people should know.."
Really You: um..really?
3rd You: "Yes! Look on the bright side, you use these emotions to propel and throttle your work brain to brutal mental-discipline heights!"
Really You: um..that's good?
3rd You: "Remember the feeling, you're used to this. Mental strength takes on a manifold task of ruling your mind and body. Free it, it'll do wonders for the creative artsy side you have, plus your work focus will be up'ped tenfold!"
Really You: um..okay.. but since it's the way i'm used to, why don't I feel like this is something I'm gonna get used to?
3rd You: "Yes, about that artsy creative side, where do we begin? Let's do a murral! Better yet, let's do photography..or..."
pzzzzkt...sklrzzt....
3rd-You screen goes a-blinking. Hmm..bad reception these days I guess...
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
10:32 AM ::
0 Comments:
When one handles a business left to you by your Dad or immediate family member. The initial thoughts would be,
"am i cut for this?"
"can i do this?"
"will i make a stupid slip and fall, dragging the entire 35-year history of a company?"
"will i be able to put a hand on my waist and boss people around in full boss-gusto?"
"will i still be able to play my network games now that i'm boss??"
silly yeah.. but lately, the tumultuous series of events doth seem to make itselves apparent. (itselves by the way, is a coined term I use, I hardly hear anyone else use such so I suggest you don't lest you be scolded by your grammar profs..) The workloads is not that stressful, it's the management that makes it stressful. It was a good thing at a certain point in life, I found my recluse, a sanctuary.
I never thought that lately would spell a big difference in my life. For once, I let my guard down, I let another entity take on the manifold task of running and sharing my life agenda with.. it's a bit scary yeah.. TOO scary for me because i may not be a control freak the way most schizos are wont in doing, but I sure have a control of my own preset world...until I allowed a great change to happen.
It was like a combination of fear and insecurity..a feeling of being there but not exactly being there..it's a learning process--a seemingly eternal progress of education all over again, one that I have no regrets wotsoever in trying to accomplish.
question is...just how many souls out there would understand putting up with me.. the answer was positive enough..it was in fact reassurring.. hope so... you never really know wot possible good tidings you're getting into until you've made a wise choice to be patient and wait after the weather clears..
Posted by Lost Wandering Soul ::
6:35 PM ::
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As my background song (my most favorite song of all time!) goes, "In troubled times come to me for shelter, I'll be running to be with you and...I'm willing to make that deal Is there a chance to carry on? If they could feel the way I feel....They would see the reason Why I'm talking to you...Don't let behind the reasons why we've come this far...You'll feel the pride of what we are..Two Rivers run to see and catch your falling stars.."
I made this blog at the LOWEST point in my life--when Dad passed away. After that, I thought moving on would be to focus on other things, on other endeavors. Then after some incident transpired lately, I suddenly recall I had a blog somewhere and so i dug this up.. tried to keep busy again and still am wallowing in the memories of all things disastrous to bear. Perhaps, this will in fact provide a necessary sanctuary. That's what this is really..a sanctuary of thoughts.. I do aim to make this a hideaway of my feelings and well my lost art of photography. Maybe through them, I'd let the soul wander for as long as it could traverse the vestibules of life..
